If heaven s a banquet, will I have to do dishes?

That s all Catholic mom Susie Lloyd wants to know. Marriage and motherhood have taught her the rest, including the things that are most important in life: Metaphysical realities like the existence of God can get along without my help. Cleaning the bathroom ca t.

Homeschooling her kids has left Susie wise beyond her years: she s learned why pi is square instead of round, and searched out the best places to buy a cow s eyeball for the science fair. In fact, she says, Socrates had it easy. His students never interrupted him to go to the bathroom or ask when lunch was.

Susie s husband is always there to support her: Greg tells me education would have no purpose if kids didn't start out ignorant. He seems to think that will keep me from strangling them.

Yet she s always patient, even when strangers gawk at her and her five daughters and ask: Are they all yours? , Are you done yet? , Don t you have a TV?

Susie tells them that raising five girls isn t really so hard (at least not until they re teenagers). After all, Daughters don't have the same needs as sons. They can live for days on hors d oeuvres.

So come along for a ride in Susie s full-size van as she faces the trials of Family Rosary and tangles with snide education experts, gruff confessors, and relatives who tell her it s time to wake up and join the real world.

But Susie s already in the Real World: a happy Catholic family on its way to heaven!