search for books and compare prices
Tables of Contents for The Primal Wound
Chapter/Section Title
Page #
Page Count
Acknowledgments
xi
 
Preface
xiii
 
Part I: The Wound
1
48
Adoption as an Experience
5
12
The Amazing Awareness of Babies
5
1
The Need for a Permanent Caregiver
6
1
Adoption Issues
7
1
External Considerations
8
1
Adoption as a Concept
9
1
Abandonment and Adoption as Experiences
10
2
The Importance of Early Experience
12
2
The Trauma of the Abandonment and Adoption
14
1
Birthdays and Birthday Parties
15
2
The Connection with the Birthmother
17
11
The Mysterious Link Between Mother and Child
18
1
Mother vs. Primary Caregiver
19
1
Attachment and Bonding
19
1
The Broken Bond
20
1
``I Want My Mommy''
21
1
Birthmother Fantasies
22
3
The Difference Between Understanding and Feeling
25
1
Confusion Between Love and Abandonment
26
2
Loss of the Mother and the Sense of Self
28
11
Dual Unity with the Mother
29
1
A Break in the Continuum of Bonding
29
1
Premature Ego Development
30
2
The Ideal State of the Self
32
1
The Search for the Self
33
1
The False Self
33
2
Rejection and Basic Trust
35
4
Loss and the Mourning Process
39
10
The Need to Mourn
39
1
The Unacknowledged Attempt to Grieve
40
1
The Stages of Grief
40
1
Defending Against Further Loss
41
1
Psychosomatic Responses to Loss
42
2
Basic Fault
44
1
The Death of the Psyche
45
4
Part II: The Manifestations
49
58
Love, Trust, and the Adoptive Mother
53
15
The Limitations of the Adoptive Mother
53
1
Who Is the Abandoner?
54
1
Splitting
55
2
On Being Special
57
2
Images of Love and Hate
59
1
A Matter of Trust
60
1
Love Is Dangerous
60
2
The Relationship with the Father
62
1
The Withdrawal/Acting-Out Dichotomy
63
1
The Nurturing Mother
64
1
The Right to Selfhood
64
4
The Core Issues: Abandonment and Loss
68
13
The Profoundness of Loss
69
1
The Pathologizing of Abandonment and Loss
70
1
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
71
3
Manifestations of Separation and Loss in Childhood
74
1
The Numbing of Affect
74
2
``If You Leave, You're Out!''
76
1
Fears of Abandonment Are Not Fantasies
77
1
Stealing and Hoarding
78
1
Control as a Foil to Loss
78
3
Issues of Rejection, Trust, Intimacy, and Loyalty
81
13
Difficulties in Relationships
81
2
The Fear of Rejection
83
1
The Bad-Baby Syndrome
83
1
Losers and Stoners
84
1
Testing Out
85
2
Rejection and Work
87
1
Issues of Trust and Intimacy
88
1
Distrust of the Feminine
89
1
Difficulties in Separating
90
1
Distrusting the Self
90
1
Loyalty
91
1
Divided Loyalty
91
1
Loyalty to the Lost Child
92
2
Issues of Guilt and Shame, Power and Control, Identity
94
13
Guilt and Shame
94
2
Power or Mastery and Control
96
1
The Adoptee as Victim
96
2
Life Isn't Fair!
98
2
Identity
100
7
Part III: The Healing
107
92
In the Best Interest of the Child
111
7
In the Beginning...
111
2
The Need for a Conscious Decision
113
1
The Flip Side of Exploitation
114
1
Time for a New Approach
114
1
The Need for Adoptive Parents
115
1
Children Make a Difference
116
2
The New Family
118
18
Bringing Baby Home
118
1
How to Handle Loss
119
2
Telling About Adoption
121
2
Acknowledgment of Differences
123
1
Children's Resistance to Talking about Adoption
124
1
Games and Play Time
124
1
Art, Poetry, Music, and Dance
125
2
Separation Anxiety
127
1
The Meaning of Discipline
128
3
Limits During Adolescence
131
2
The First Cardinal Rule for Adoptive Parents
133
1
Five Cardinal Rules
134
2
Adopting Older Children
136
14
One Year of Love...
136
1
The Issue of Touch
137
1
The Fear of Connection
137
2
Being Empathic
139
1
Difficulties in School
140
2
The Teachers' Responsibilities
142
1
Discussing the Biological Family
142
2
The Wounded Parents
144
1
Healing the Adoptive Parents
144
1
Taking Care of the Biological Children
145
1
A Word about Fathers
146
1
A Chip off the Old Block
147
1
Father's Support for the Mother
148
1
Adoptive Parents Do Make a Difference
149
1
Reunions as a Means of Healing the Adoption Triad
150
17
Searching---Emotionally Charged for Everyone
153
1
The ``Bad-Guy'' Syndrome: The Adoptee as Bad Guy
153
1
The Birthmother as Bad Guy
154
1
Understanding the Birthmother
155
1
A Double Loss
156
1
The Impact on the Extended Family
157
1
Problems in the Birthmother's Nuclear Family
158
1
Reconnecting as Part of the Healing Process
158
1
Another Shift in Roles: Adoptive Parents as Bad Guys
159
1
Search and the Adoptive Mother
160
3
The Feelings of the Birthmother toward Adoptive Parents
163
2
Adoptee, Caught in the Middle
165
1
Healing the Triad
165
2
The Reunion Process
167
14
Understanding the Emotional Climate of Reunions
167
2
Regression
169
3
Genetic Sexual Attraction
172
1
The Incest Taboo
173
1
Sexual Feelings Between Biological Siblings
174
1
Reunions as Reconciliation
175
1
The Hard-to-Reach Adoptee
176
1
The Reluctant Birthmother
177
2
Tenacity, Patience, and Understanding in the Reunion Process
179
2
Empowering Ourselves
181
18
Shunning the Victim Role
182
1
Challenging Long-Held Beliefs
183
1
Allowing Feelings---Controlling Behavior
184
2
The Difference Between Personality and Behavior
186
1
Acknowledging and Mourning Loss
187
2
Three Barriers to Integration:
189
1
Fear
189
1
Guilt/Shame
190
2
Anger/Rage
192
1
Taking Back Our Power
193
2
Being Assertive
195
1
Finding a Spiritual Path
196
3
Part IV: Conclusions
199
24
Further Implications of the Primal Wound
201
14
The Impact of Abandonment on Other Populations
201
3
The Surrogacy Myth
204
2
The Need for Integrity
206
1
The Wicked Stepmother
206
2
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and the Adopted Child
208
2
The Question of Abortion
210
1
Difficult Choices
211
1
More Honesty and Support, Less Judgment
212
1
True Beliefs or Convenience?
213
2
Honor Thy Children
215
8
Challenging Old Assumptions
215
1
The Mother Connection
216
1
Putting the Well-Being of the Child First
216
1
What Constitutes Security?
217
1
The Future of the Adoption
218
1
Lowering Expectations
219
1
Society's Attitudes Must Change
219
2
The Mystic Aspect
221
2
Glossary
223
4
References
227
2
Suggested Reading
229
2
About the Author
231