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Tables of Contents for Dangerous Relationships
Chapter/Section Title
Page #
Page Count
Introduction
1
1
What Is Domestic Violence?
2
1
The Purpose of This Book
3
3
Caution
6
1
How to Use This Book
6
1
Notes
7
6
The Four Relationships
9
4
Warning Sign #1: A Whirlwind Beginning
Swept Away
13
20
Isn't It Romantic
13
2
Adam and Eve in Paradise
15
1
A Love for All Eternity
16
1
A Dynamite Roommate
17
3
Too Much, Too Soon
20
4
The Push for Intimacy
24
4
High Up on a Pedestal
28
5
How to Deal with the Heady Rush of a Passionate Beginning
33
12
Too Much, Too Soon
33
4
The Push for Intimacy
37
2
High Up on a Pedestal
39
6
The Hot Pursuit
45
16
Are Your Rights and Feelings Really Being Respected?
45
4
``I Want What I Want When I Want It'': Abusers Have Trouble with Impulse Control
49
4
``Now You See It, Now You Don't'': The Distracting Maneuver
53
3
You Signal that You Are Receptive
56
2
A One-Size-Fits-All Seductive Approach
58
3
How to Get the Respect You Deserve
61
20
Respecting Your Rights and Feelings
61
5
Poor Impulse Control
66
4
Distracting Maneuvers
70
3
Checking Receptivity
73
2
One-Size-Fits-All Seductions
75
6
Warning Sign #2: Possessiveness
You Belong to Me
81
24
The Togetherness Syndrome
81
8
``I Want Power Over and Control of You''
89
2
``Your Time Belongs to Me''
91
3
``I'll Tell You Who You Can See, and When, and Where''
94
3
``I'll Pick Your Clothes, Your Hairstyle, Your Everything''
97
1
How You Are Manipulated and Controlled
98
7
How to Stay in Charge of Your Own Life
105
12
Power and Control
105
2
Controlling Your Time
107
1
Controlling the People You See and under What Circumstances
108
3
Controlling What You Wear and Your Environment
111
1
Manipulation
112
5
Warning Sign #3: The Switch
Dr. Jekyll Becomes Mr./Ms. Hyde
117
22
The Dark Side Emerges
117
4
The Screaming Begins
121
4
A Hurtful Distancing
125
2
The Wicked Witch of the North
127
1
Recognizing the Dr. Jekyll-Mr./Ms. Hyde Syndrome
128
1
Emotional Overdrive
129
5
Unpredictable Emotional Reactions
134
1
Inability to Let Go
135
2
Emotional Justification
137
1
Note
138
1
How to Work with Your Partner's Emotional Extremes
139
14
Exaggerated Emotional Responses
139
3
Unpredictable Emotional Reactions
142
3
Inability to Let Go
145
2
Emotional Justification
147
6
Warning Sign #4: Blame
Whatever It Is, It's All Your Fault
153
18
Assigning Blame
153
7
Your Partner's Rotten Behavior Is All Your Fault
160
3
Everything that Goes Wrong in Your Partner's Life Is Somebody Else's Fault (Usually Yours)
163
5
Your Distress and Your Pain over How Your Partner Treats You Are Your Fault
168
3
How to Refuse Blame that Doesn't Belong to You
171
12
Your Partner's Rotten Behavior Is All Your Fault
171
3
Everything that Goes Wrong in Your Partner's Life Is Somebody Else's Fault (Usually Yours)
174
3
Your Distress and Your Pain over How Your Partner Treats You Are Your Fault
177
6
Warning Sign #5: Verbal Abuse
Words that Hurt
183
18
Dumb and Stupid
183
2
Bedroom Attacks
185
3
Cutting You Down
188
2
Pleasure Destroyed
190
2
Pointing Out How You Are Stupid, Inept, and Dumb
192
3
Putting You Down Where It Hurts Most
195
2
Beating You Down when You're Up
197
4
How to Stand Up to Words that Hurt
201
16
You Are Told You Are Stupid, Inept, and Dumb
201
6
Putting You Down Where It Hurts Most
207
3
Beating You Down when You're Up
210
7
Warning Sign #6: Insensitivity
Lack of Caring for the Well-Being of Others
217
14
Life's a Bitch and Then You Die
217
2
Karen and Her Dogs
219
2
A Bird Named Frank
221
3
Anne's Black Thumb
224
1
Empathy
225
1
Callous Attitude toward the Suffering of Others
226
1
Indifference to and Willful Neglect of the Well-Being of Children, Animals, and Plants
227
2
Disregard or Destruction of the Property of Others
229
2
How to Recognize an Uncaring Attitude as a Percursor to Violence
231
6
A Callous Attitude toward the Suffering of Others
231
2
Indifference to and Willful Neglect of the Well-Being of Children, Animals, and Plants
233
1
Disregard or Destruction of the Property of Others
234
3
Warning Sign #7: Past and Present Violence
The Alarm Goes Unheeded
237
22
Pushed into a Wall
237
3
A Kicker and a Thrower
240
2
The Violence of Jealousy
242
2
Sibling Rivalry
244
2
Love's Safety Shattered
246
1
Inventing ``Reasons'' that Make the Violence Acceptable
247
7
You Say ``It's Really Not that Bad''
254
2
Once Again, It's All Your Fault
256
3
How to See the Violence for What It Is and Resist the Temptation to Excuse It Away
259
10
You Invent Reasons to Make the Violence Acceptable to You
259
1
Past Violence
259
4
You Decide ``It's Really Not that Bad''
263
1
Once Again, It's All Your Fault
264
5
Mary, Bob, Peter, and Teri Revisited
New Beginnings
269
14
Mary's Session
269
4
Bob's Letter
273
3
Peter's Visit
276
4
Teri Sends an E-mail
280
3
Conclusion
283
2
Recommended Readings
285
2
Resources
287
2
Personalized Safety Plan
289
10
Index
299