Contents

Preface

PART ONE

Introduction

CHAPTER ONE

Skills for Bridging the Interpersonal Gap

Communication: Humanity's Supreme Achievement The Ineffectiveness of Most Communication The Ache of Loneliness So Much Lost Love A Key to Success at Work A Life-or-Death Matter You Can Change You Will Change! Managing Your Resistance to Learning Five Sets of Skills Summary

CHAPTER TWO

Barriers to Communication

Common Communication Spoilers Why Roadblocks Are High-Risk Responses Judging: the Major Roadblock Roadblock Sending Solutions Can Be a Problem! Avoiding the Other's Concerns Roadblock Number Thirteen Summary

PART TWO

Listening Skills

CHAPTER THREE

Listening Is More Than Merely Hearing

The Importance of Listening Listening Defined Listening Skill Clusters Attending Skills Following Skills Summary

CHAPTER FOUR

Four Skills of Reflective Listening

Reflective Responses Provide a Mirror to the Speaker Paraphrasing Reflecting Feelings Reflecting Meanings Summary

CHAPTER FIVE

Why Reflective Responses Work

Style and Structure in Listening Six Peculiarities of Human Communication Skepticism Is Best Dissolved by Action Summary

CHAPTER SIX

Reading Body language

The Importance of Body Language Nonverbals: The Language of Feelings The "Leakage" of Masked Feelings Guidelines for Reading Body Language Reflect the Feelings Back to the Sender A Clear But Confusing Language Summary

CHAPTER SEVEN

Improving Your Reflecting Skills

Guidelines for Improved Listening Beyond Reflective Listening When to Listen Reflectively When Not to Listen Reflectively The Good News and the Bad News Summary

PART THREE

Assertion Skills

CHAPTER EIGHT

Three Approaches to Relationships

Listening and Assertion: The Yin and Yang of Communication Methods for Developing Assertiveness The Need to Protect One's Personal Space Impacting The Submission-Assertion-Aggression Continuum Payoffs and Penalties of Three Ways of Relating Choose for Yourself Summary

CHAPTER NINE

Developing Three-Part Assertion Messages

Verbal Assertion: The Third Option Three-Part Assertion Messages Effective and Ineffective Ways of Confrontation Writing Three-Part Assertion Messages A Voyage of Self-Discovery and Growth Summary

CHAPTER TEN

Handling the Push-Push Back Phenomenon

Surprise Attack The Human Tendency to Be Defensive The Upward Spiral of Increasing Defensiveness A Six-Step Assertion Process Summary

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Increasing Your Assertive Options

Many Varieties of Assertive Behavior "Natural" Assertions Self-Disclosure Descriptive Recognition Relationship Assertions Selective Inattention Withdrawal The Spectrum Response Options Natural and Logical Consequences Stop the Action; Accept the Feelings Say "No!," Modify the Environment The Danger of Going Overboard The Aura of Assertiveness Summary

PART FOUR

Conflict Management Skills

CHAPTER TWELVE

Conflict Prevention and Control

Conflict Is Unavoidable Conflict Is Disruptive and/or Destructive The Benefits of Conflict Realistic and Nonrealistic Conflict Personal Conflict Prevention and Control Methods Group/Organizational Prevention and Control Methods The Dangers of Conflict Prevention and Control Summary

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Handling the Emotional Components of Conflict

Focus on the Emotions First The Conflict Resolution Method The Conflict Resolution Method in Action Four Ways to Use the Conflict Resolution Method Preparation for the Encounter Evaluating the Conflict Expected Outcomes of the Conflict Resolution Method Summary

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Collaborative Problem Solving: Seeking an Elegant Solution

Three Kinds of Conflict Alternatives to Collaborative Problem Solving Seeking an Elegant Solution Through Collaborative Problem Solving Six Steps of the Collaborative Problem-Solving Method What This Problem-Solving Method Communicates Collaborative Problem-Solving in Action Handling the Crucial Preliminaries What Do I Do When Collaborative Problem Solving Doesn't Work? Applications of Collaborative Problem Solving Summary

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Three Essentials for Effective Communication

In Communication, Skills Alone Are Insufficient Genuineness Non-possessive Love Empathy Implementation of the Core Attitudes

AFTERWORD

Four Steps to Improved Communication

A Quantified Commitment to Use the Skills Select Appropriate Situations Undaunted by Occasional Failure Prepare Others for the Change Skill Training

Notes Index