Greetings. My name’s Matt Graham. I am, pound for pound, inch for inch (in all three dimensions), IQ point for IQ point, the biggest Loser I personally know. (Made it to the finals in the World Scrabble Championships…lost. Landed a writing gig with Saturday Night Live…only got one joke on the show before being canned, and the revolving door literally hit me on the ass on the way out. Joined OKCupid and received no responses after sending out more than 120 messages. You get the picture.)

So starts the story of a self-proclaimed chronic failure with uncanny expertise on life’s tendency to suck. This part tell-all, part confessional details all the ramblings, ravings, and score-settlings of a comedian who is too verbose for Twitter.

Follow him from his childhood in the Midwest where we meet his mother, a woman with a penchant for spilling family secrets to the town drunk, and his father, a man so cheap he justifies swiping tips off tables, all the way to New York City where the ups and down of his life have given him permanent whiplash.

Along the way, you’ll also get Matt’s insider scoop on what it was like to come up in the comedy scene in New York with people like Louis C.K., David Cross, and Marc Maron as well as a look into what it’s like to be a broke comic in the city (here’s a hint: sometimes you have to eat pancake batter for dinner).

This Too Shall Suck—also a critically acclaimed New York International Fringe Festival show that ran for two solid years (OFF Broadway, naturally)—is Matt’s unflinchingly honest look at his own shortcomings that will have you rolling with laughter at times and moved to tears at others, and probably leave you feeling much better about your own life.