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Tables of Contents for Getting What You Want, and Deserve
Chapter/Section Title
Page #
Page Count
Introduction
xv
Part A --- Professional Relationships
1
118
Bosses
3
24
Spare the Ultimatum: Tell Me What You Want
Taming tyrants who freak out when displeased
4
3
SOS---I'm Swamped
When excessive assignments are constantly dumped on you
7
3
Here's What I'm Worth; Let Me Tell You Why
Overcoming the fear of asking for a raise
10
3
Big Brother Is Watching, and It's Disconcerting
When you're angry that the boss monitors your computer usage
13
3
I Was Only Trying to Help
Choosing between taking the initiative and being employed
16
3
I Don't Intend to Play Your Blame Game
Protecting yourself when you're the scapegoat
19
3
It's a Mistake, but It Didn't Merit the Riot Act
Responding to a tongue-lashing you didn't deserve
22
3
Do You Mind If I Put That in Writing?
When your boss habitually backs out of a promise
25
2
Associates
27
16
I Think We Need to Come to an Understanding
Bringing into line challengers to your authority
28
3
Let's Pull on the Same End of the Rope
Getting prima donnas to do what's required
31
3
Make Peace, Not War
When feuding workers go on the warpath
34
3
We Have a Conflict, So Let's Try to Resolve It
Dismissing an unpredictable, potentially dangerous saboteur
37
3
No One Likes a Tattletale
Querying informers who may be malicious troublemakers
40
3
Colleagues
43
20
Say It to My Face or Not at All
Confronting backstabbers and gaining their respect
44
3
Don't Even Think about Sandbagging Me Again
Handling an underhanded surprise attack in front of others
47
2
Hold Your Fire---We Need to Work Together
When rivals spread rumors or sling mud at you
49
3
Stop Stealing from Me!
Reclaiming ideas or turf from thieving colleagues
52
2
I Don't Want Any Part of Your Misconduct
When a coworker presses you to do something wrong
54
2
Your Jokes Aren't Funny---They're Digs
How to look good after jokers lampoon your achievement
56
2
Cease and Desist with the Disses
Using humor when boorish clods enjoy ridiculing you
58
3
We Can Salvage This
When partnerships are threatened by intense disagreements
61
2
Clients and Customers
63
16
I Appreciate Your Business, But...
Handling impatient egotists demanding special treatment
64
2
Let's Discuss This in Private
Claming angry folks who are using loud and abusive language
66
3
Quit Bullying Me
Stopping unwarranted pestering at home and in the office
69
3
It's Time to Fish or Cut Bait
When their vacillating stops the sale
72
2
I Made a Mistake; Can We Start Over?
Making amends after you step on someone's sensibilities
74
2
This Accusation Doesn't Have Merit
When unfounded attacks can ruin reputations or get you fired
76
3
Doctors, Lawyers, and Other Professional Experts
79
12
Do You Understand What I Want?
Getting the high and mighty to pay attention to what you're saying
80
2
Your Arrogance Is Discomforting to Me
When answers to your queries make you feel stupid
82
3
In Plain English, Please
When they speak in terms lay people can't comprehend
85
3
Love Your Waiting Room, But...
Voicing your complaint about being kept waiting
88
3
Salespersons and Service Providers
91
16
You Sold Me a Bad Bill of Goods
How to complain about a product to get results
92
3
This Isn't What I Paid For!
How to complain when the service isn't as promised
95
3
Excuse Me---Do You Want My Business?
When store clerks and other workers ignore your needs
98
3
If You Insist on Talking Down to Me...
Responding to condescending people paid to serve you
101
2
Either We Work This Out, or You're Out a Customer
When they won't soften strict policies to accommodate you
103
4
Teachers
107
12
Did You Know You Were Speeding in a School Zone?
When instructors go too fast and get mad if you ask questions
108
3
Because You're Considered an Expert in This Field...
Challenging opinions of instructors who are know-it-alls
111
2
Is My Grade Open for Discussion?
How to question a grading system that appears irrational
113
3
This Isn't Payback Time: You're Paid to Teach Me
When you're the target of an inexplicable vendetta
116
3
Part B --- Personal Relationships
119
110
Spouses and Significant Others
121
18
Let's Be Fair---You Do Your Share
Balancing the load when you're being overburdened
122
3
Clue Me In So We Can Both Decide
When major decisions are made without consulting you
125
3
I've Never Been So Embarrassed
Stopping humiliation, especially in front of others
128
3
Stop Nagging Me
How to instantly stop continual fault-finding
131
3
Please Talk to Me
Breaking the barrier when you get the silent treatment
134
3
This Isn't Getting Us Anywhere
When a partner exaggerates your faults with name-calling
137
2
Your Ex
139
14
It's Time to Move On
When your former partner refuses to let go
140
3
Your Threats Aren't Good for Our Kids
How to handle bullying and tyrannizing
143
2
They're Our Kids---Not Our Weapons!
When your ex tries to poison the kids' minds against you
145
3
Let's Be Fair
Reducing arguments about property settlement
148
2
Let's Resolve This, or You'll Be Hearing from My Lawyer
Dealing with your ex's evading judicial decisions
150
3
Parents
153
16
I'm an Adult; I Can Run My Own Life
When they interfere with the way you handle decisions
154
2
Stop the Shame Game
Answering constant jabs that imply the fault is yours
156
2
Your Name-Calling Isn't Doing Anyone Any Good
Confronting hurtful name-calling and doomsday predictions
158
3
Give Me the Benefit of the Doubt
When parents jump to conclusions without waiting for facts
161
2
Why Isn't Anything I Do Good Enough?
Rejecting parental affronts while accepting their support
163
2
Please Respect My Time
Handling unreasonable demands made on your free time
165
2
I Just Want What's Best for You
When the more you do for older parents, the worse it gets
167
2
Teenagers
169
18
Let's Be Certain We Understand Each Other
When your kids won't play by your rules
170
4
I Hear You and I Want to Help
When they need to learn how to handle painful experiences
174
4
Your Walking Away Won't Solve Anything
When ``I don't want to talk about it'' ends the discussion
178
3
This Is Your Responsibility---Don't Make It Ours
Gaining cooperation instead of doing their chores
181
3
I Didn't Raise You in a Barn
When their mess makes a trail throughout the house
184
3
In-Laws and Other Relatives
187
14
This Is Really No Concern of Yours
Politely telling meddlers to mind their own business
188
2
Your Smugness Is a Real Pain
Coping with know-it-alls
190
3
Let's Accept It---You're You; I'm Me
What to say when you're the target of sibling rivalry
193
2
At Least Our Dog Likes Us
When whatever you do, you can't please your in-laws
195
2
Let It Go
When relatives keep digging up old, unresolved grudges
197
2
I Don't Have a Saucer of Milk
Curbing family members who are catty
199
2
Friends
201
14
I Appreciate Your Opinion, But...
When friends try to run your life
202
3
The Glass Is Half Full, Too
When negativists spill ice water on all your ideas
205
3
Your Condescending Jokes Are Wearing Thin
When your friends know exactly which buttons to push
208
2
That's Not Amusing
Blunting the point of your friend's critical wit
210
3
Please Listen to Me
When your friend becomes unsupportive and inattentive
213
2
Neighbors
215
14
Can You Keep It Down to a Dull Roar?
Dealing with the vein-popping noise from next door
216
2
I Know You Must Have Forgotten, But...
Keeping the perennial borrower from taking advantage
218
2
I Value Our Friendship, But I've Got to Work, Too
Protecting your time while operating a home-based business
220
2
Cut Me Some Slack, Jack
When neighbors are unreasonable and won't budge an inch
222
3
Oh Boy, Just What I Wanted
When they bring their dogs to perform in your yard
225
4
Part C --- Additional Techniques to Deal with Infuriating Situations
229
20
Overcoming the Fear of Approaching Your Boss
231
4
Managing Your Own Anger
235
3
Lowering Hostility by Retrieving the Right Words
238
2
Reducing Worker Frustration with Effective Policies
240
2
More Tips for Talking to Teens
242
3
In Conclusion: A Dozen Important Reminders
245
4
Index
249